Pre-Valentine Musings

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It's not easy to love me.

Rather, it's easy to FALL for me, but not easy to LOVE me. LOVE is something that lasts, that survives many seasons, that grows stronger in the times of struggle. Perhaps, the main reason why it's so hard to love me is because I don't bend under pressure like the young trees in the autumn wind, and because I prefer logic to heart, and also because I see the world in black-and-white, with little to no room for gray areas.

I have my fears. My fears are the reason why logic prevails over emotions. Emotions are scary, like the catastrophic force of nature, like a tsunami you're going under, or an earthquake that shatters your world and makes it difficult to recover from. Logic is like having a ticket to a destination. With traveling being a huge part of our modern lives, it's important for us to arrive there at or around the scheduled time. Back in the day when people traveled primarily by sea or horse and carriage, it was much harder to predict when you get there. Nowadays, unless something goes completely wrong, you'll get there on time. I'm a modern person, and I like to know that if I do A, then B happens. Logic makes life convenient. Living by its rules can also break your heart, but if that's the case, then be it. Broken heart loses every time versus a broken life, in my rule book.

If you're like me, I understand you and feel your pain. But you also need to remember that if you give up on looking for love, you'll never find it. Or it'll knock on your door and you won't hear it, deafened by the headphones of your self-pity. Keep your eyes and ears open. That's the only way not to miss LOVE and to recognize when it's the real deal, when it's the person who understands you and values you for who you are and loves you just the way you are. The wonderful thing about LOVE is that it's like a boomerang that always comes back to find you and check to see if you're ready to let your fears go and open up to someone new. With a new love interest, your heart is like a gate that's open wide but, at the same time, ready to be shut as soon as the emergency alarm starts buzzing. Being a modern person, you want to trust people and keep your guard down, yet you can't. You listen to the news. You talk to people. It's like a zombie apocalypse out there. You never know who's been bitten and is just waiting for a chance to infect you with his or her zombiness. How can you just relax and enjoy your roses when you can possible prick your finger on a thorn and die?

I'm sure that whoever you are, you'll find your own answer to this question. I know that some of you refuse to touch, smell or even look at roses, while others learn to avoid thorns instead. Whatever you choose, remember that you can't live behind your gates forever. The air, the sun and the warmth of the earth are just too beautiful to miss out on in the controlled comfort of your own home, so venture out, 30 minutes at a time, until you build immunity and find your own LOVE, the wonderful feeling that lasts forever, survives seasons and grows stronger in the times of struggle.