Trick-or-Treating: Is It Safe for Kids in Your Neighborhood?

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Continuing Post-Halloween observations, there are a few people who admitted that no one came to trick-or-treat to their house, even though they had lots of candy prepared for the occasion. It turns out that nowadays children prefer to go to local businesses in their area rather than to private houses or apartment buildings. And if you think about it, you can't blame them for such a change of habits.

First of all, when you live in a big city like New York, you realize that you don't really know who your neighbors are. You might see them and recognize their faces, but that's probably about it. There might even be a few to whom you say hello occasionally, and even fewer with whom you are actually acquainted. Therefore, if you don't know who lives next door, you are unlikely to send your child there to get a treat on Halloween.

Secondly, let us suppose that you do know your neighbors. Still, there are some neighborhoods in New York that are not as safe as others. There are lots of people wandering in the streets of even the safest areas. There have been recent stories about a Jewish child who was abducted and murdered just a few blocks from his house, and sexual assaults on women in Park Slope, so even when an adult enters his or her own apartment building, it is helpful to watch your back all the times, as you never know who is watching or following you.

Of course, it is different in every area, but you would never want to take chances when it comes to your child, and you can never be too careful.

And it is sad that due to the fact that with the development of the Internet people socialize face-to-face less and less frequently. We order food online, we watch movies at home through Netflix and we hardly ever notice what's going on outside of our window. Now you can't even let your children to get candy from people who live right next to you. Is it mostly because you're concerned with their safety or maybe because the Internet teaches us to trust businesses more than our unknown neighbors because you have read about a supermarket next block and you have never spoken to Mrs. What's-Her-Name upstairs?

It might be a little bit of both, even if you don't realize it. The times are changing, and who knows if, as time goes by, in a few years someone will knock at your door on Halloween evening dressed up as a cute little bee or a superman and say cheerfully, "Trick or treat?"

How Was Your Halloween?

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You have probably heard people saying something like, "Halloween is the best holiday in the year because you don't have to buy gifts and everyone is just dressing up and having the time of their lives," or "The point of Halloween is to look your best like someone else." Everyone discovers his or her own meaning of Halloween sooner or later.

For some, it is truly the best holiday in the year with a necessary colorful parade in Manhattan. For others, it is nothing more than a holiday for children, who hope for a few candies and a lot of fun dressing up like characters from fairy-tales. Whatever it is for you, won't you agree that it is one of the most colorful and the most celebrated holidays in New York? Probably, only Christmas and Easter are bigger than Halloween.

Indeed, preparation for the holiday starts early in October. You can see houses in black and orange, with their Halloween decorations, with traditional pumpkins, ghosts and other scary elements. Local business put out Halloween decorations as well, usually no earlier than ten days before the holiday. About this time, people start asking each other, "What are you going to be for Halloween?" There is a lot of excitement about the holiday way before it comes.

As for the costumes, all large stores are busy, and by the last week, there are few costumes left available, so you're better off shopping as early as possible. Don't forget that face paint is a big part of your costume as well. When you choose your costume, you might want to be unrecognized and look unlike yourself, or simply add a lot of details to it and make it unusual and special. Some people even prefer to make their costume themselves, being creative and saving money at the same time. Others spend neither time nor a lot of money on costumes. You can always get a scary mask and decorate your clothes with Halloween symbols, and that will do as well.

The good thing is, you can be as creative as you wish and feel like.

As the day comes closer, you can see more people in costumes in the streets, and holiday mood takes over you, whether or not you're dressing up. Houses in your neighborhood start making parties, and local bars and restaurants do, too.

And finally, on October, 31, when you see children trick-or-treating from one door to another, when you see broken eggs under your feet and crowds of people going to the city parade or small neighborhood haunted walks, you realize that there is something magical in dressing up like someone else, not necessarily beautiful and perfect, that there is a lot of kindness in the way people give away candies to the kids who are at first shy to ask for them, especially if they are doing this for their first Halloween. You might think that Halloween is a dark holiday and all that, but if you look closer, you can find out that there is a lot of good energy flowing from one person to another, and that it is actually a good thing to be in the middle of it.

It definitely is.

And even though you see preparations and celebrations every year, still, if you think about it, every time Halloween has a different meaning for you. It all depends on what you are going to do, who you are going to celebrate the holiday with and even how many eggs people will throw at you in the street. And of course, how long you will laugh at the pictures afterwards.

So now it is only logical to ask: how was your Halloween and what did you carry away with you from it this year?

Check out this Post-Halloween Walk of Shame Video of people coming back from Halloween parties next morning.

The Weather and Your Mood



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As it is getting colder and colder in New York City, people tend to get more irritated and less socially pleasant. Is it true that the weather has a direct impact on our mood?

On the one hand, when it's cold out and we are once again prone to catching cold and getting stuck with a running nose, there's not a lot to be happy about. On the other hand, our mood is dependent on us, and we can make it better if we choose to. It is all about thinking positively. A smile on your face can change the gloomiest day to a sunny one. Therefore, here are a few tips that might help you survive the cold weather if you notice that you are more irritated than usually:

1. Get a new soft and pleasant sweater. Not only will it warm your body, but your soul as well. Buying new things always makes us feel happier, especially now that you have an excuse like the change of season.

And remember: it has to be soft and pleasant. Otherwise, it will be another piece of clothing that you will wear once a year without being especially attached to it.

2. Choose your new favorite warming drink. It might be an Irish coffee, or just a cup of hot herbal tea. Whatever makes you feel warmer and happier will do. It helps to explore some new flavors and be creative. Creativity gives us the sense of accomplishment and self-satisfaction.

3. Prepare yourself for outside winter activities. Skiing or ice-skating can be so much fun if you do it with a group of friends. Make sure your winter sports equipment and clothing are in good shape. Otherwise, when you are finally ready to for it and it is not in a condition for use, this will add more stress and irritation into your everyday life. And by the way, while you are polishing those skiing boots, you will feel that anticipation is just as exciting as engaging in the activity.

4. Hit the road to beauty salons. This is not only for women. Winter is usually the time when we feel that our body is covered and does not have to be perfect. Pamper it for no one but yourself. Get a warming and relaxing massage or body exfoliation. Take off the extra load whether it be stiff shoulders or roughened skin on your heels.

5. And finally, reach out for the sense of self-respect. It is not the weather that has control over you. It is you who has control over the weather and your mood. Don't let the first snow knock you down. Instead, reply calmly and proudly, "The season is changing, but I am not."

On Price and Value

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Is $3.99 for two tiny jars of "Smart Balance" buttery spread too expensive? What about if you have a heart disease and using this particular buttery spread may help your heart and even save your life? Not as expensive now. What many people don't think about is that there is a huge difference between price and value.

To distinguish the two, let's put it this way: price is the money you pay for a product or a service, whereas value is how important it is for you to get this particular product or service at this place for the price they offer. For instance, you want to buy a bottle of Absolut in a liquor store. In liquor store A, it costs you $35 and in liquor store B you will have to pay $28 for the same bottle. The value is the same (both are bottles of Absolut), but the prices are different. Now, imagine that it's raining, and the liquor store B is about 12 blocks from your house, while the liquor store A is right around the corner. Now the $35 bottle has more value for you because it saves you the trouble of walking a few extra blocks in the pouring rain.

For that reason, not everything that has a high price tag is really expensive. Sometimes it's a matter of whether or not we need the product. There's also a huge difference between "want" and "need." If Maria has 20 pairs of sandals and she is going to get a new one, she wants new sandals. On the other hand, if it's summer and all Lucy has are closed toe shoes, she knows she needs sandals; otherwise, she will be feeling too hot. The things that you want have less value than products or services you need, even though you may spend the same amount of money on both categories.

Therefore, if you realize that you have a problem managing your budget, you should make a clear line between price and value and your wants and needs. Many of the things we buy are not necessary, but they make us feel good, while without other things we would not have been able to get by. All the problems appear when we buy things we want instead of the products or services we need. If you spend all your money on new clothes and at the end of the month you have no money to pay rent, this means that you need to plan your budget in a different way.

And finally, since value and price are different notions, being cheap and saving are words from different worlds as well. If you know you don't care what kind of bread you buy and you can get "Wonderbread" cheaper than "Arnold," go for "Wonderbread." This will leave you more money at the end of the month to buy things you want. However, if your heart health depends on that tiny jar of "Smart Balance," there is absolutely no question about whether or not you should get that instead of cheaper and unhealthier for you regular butter sticks.

                                                                                           

         

On Sincerity and Straightforwardness



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 There are a lot of people around us that don't say what they mean or don't mean what they say. Even though it's often hard to distinguish one from another, there is a huge difference between the two.

How so?
Imagine that Jack's girtlfriend, Lisa, bought a new dress that doesn't look good on her. It makes her look heavier than she truly is and it doesn't compliment her body. Jack realizes that she shouldn't have bought it, but Lisa is apparently delighted with her purchase and keeps asking her boyfriend whether or not he likes it. She is worried because Jack's face doesn't show as much delight as hers, and she guesses that he is not crazy about her dress, even though she would really love to hear a compliment, which Jack perfectly understands.

Now, the problem is: Jack wants to let Lisa know that the dress was an unfortunate purchase, and she shouldn't wear it. He doesn't want to make her unhappy, but he can't lie to her either saying that she looks gorgeous in it. In other words, he wants to be sincere, but should he be straightforward as well?

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If Jack is straightforward, he will most likely tell Lisa, "This dress makes your waist seem enormous. Moreover, the color doesn't flatter you at all, and you look a bit disfigured." If he says so, Lisa will most likely break up with him, or, at least, she won't talk to him for a week or so. People often don't appreciate us telling what we think, even if we are really close to them and they know that we say what we have on our minds because we wish them the best. Therefore, all Lisa will hear at this point, "You look ugly," while what Jack will be trying to say is "You need another dress."

However, if Jack says something like, "I think you look prettier without the dress," or "I believe this color and shape doesn't show off your natural beauty in the way it should," he will be able to express his dissatisfaction with Lisa's dress, but he won't offend her, and she will probably take another look at herself and maybe see that she needs to get something different. Jack will still be sincere, as he won't approve the dress. The key is that he won't be negative about it trying to make a joke or give his girlfriend a hint about how things truly are.

As you can see from this example, politeness and desire to be friendly often require us to give up straightforwardness. We don't exactly lie when we don't say what we think. It is crucial, though, that we don't tell people what we don't think. As long as we are not negative about things we don't like, as long as we respect the right of others to be different and choose something we consider ugly or inappropriate, we can express our opinion about it leaving it up to them to listen to us or keep doing what they feel comfortable with. If you want to be truly useful to the person, you need to express your argument clearly. Tell them what you think can be improved, in a kind way, and make sure to add that this is what you would do.

Advise, but don't impose.

                                                                 

On Inspiration



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Life is a sequence of challenges. First, you need to decide who you want to be. Second, you should make a strategy that will get you there. And finally, there's never a guarantee that you will ever be what you want to be. But as long as you don't give up, it's ok to slip and stand up again.

Remember that saying "if the mountain won't come to Muhammad, Muhammad must go to the mountain?" Therefore, if inspiration doesn't visit you, you have to get on the road and look for it. As for me, I like to find my inspiration for writing in quotations by different authors. Sometimes they are short and snappy, whereas others are long and sophisticated, but what I like about sayings is that they always make us think. And "cogito ergo sum" ("I think, therefore I am"), right?

There are five quotes that I discovered today, and I'd like to share them with you. Even if they won't impact you the way they impacted me, they will definitely push you to think, and making you mind stretch never hurts.

Hurray, here they are:

1. "You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'" George Bernard Shaw  

There was a discussion online on hubpages.com about poetry, and the question was asked: should there be rules in poetry or every poet makes his or her own rules? This is disputable, but I firmly believe that there are rules, but nothing good is created until some of these rules are broken. If nobody tells you that this is wrong, if everyone agrees with you, this means that you are not doing something unique. There is always a conflict in greatness, and new trends and movements were created just because someone said: "Why not?" And it is xtremely important to have the nerve to say to yourself "Why not?" even if the whole world is yelling at you, "Why."

2. "Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia."

                                                     E. L. Doctorow   

Hmmm. According to my favorite dictionary.com, schizophrenia is a "severe mental disorder marked by delusions and hallucinations." Those who write will need no more comments on that.

Well, neither will those who read, probably.

3. "One writes to make a home for oneself, on paper, in time and in others' minds."

                                                                                                                           Alfred Kazin

A great Russian poet Alexander Pushkin (Who is Alexander Pushkin?) once said that he made himself a monument out what he wrote. There were real, full-size monuments made in his honor later all over Russia, but there is not one specific I am now thinking about other than his poetic one. And you know what: monument sounds awesome, but I think I like "home" better. Sometimes I feel like I found my home in New York. Sometimes I think that my real home is yet to be found. But I know that the day I write something big, it will be my home, built out of the deepest depths of me, of the most intimate memories and experiences, the expression of me put into words.

Maybe, just a blog post.

image credit: cartoonstock.com

4. "Dreams are like stars...you may never touch them, but if you follow them they will lead you to your destiny."

                       Anonymous Author

Now this is a great quote that has already been written about all over the Internet. Therefore, there's probably little I can add to what has been said about it. But when I first read it, I remember "Alchemist" by Paolo Coelho. A classmate of mine read it several years ago, and she told me, "When you read this, you will want to live like this." In short, the character of the novel discovers that every person is meant for something, and if we follow our calling, our journey will be easy. In other words, even if everyone tells you that you're crazy doing what you do, even if you hear hundred times that your aspirations will not pay your bills, go for it. If it's truly your way, you will get where you want to be. On the contrary, if you get off your road and choose another one that you consider better, there will be a lot of obstacles there.

But sometimes we get scared thinking, "Do I know enough about stars to distinguish the right one from a wrong one?" And then we go and ask the opinions of experts forgetting that they are experts in their sphere, not in us. They know what the stars are called, but they have no idea which one leads us to our destiny. Hence, go with Coelho's formula: if it is given to you easily, it is your destiny. If a misfortune is followed by another misfortune, then you should listen to your heart, and it will tell you where on your way you took a wrong turn.

5. "There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other."                                                                        Douglas H. Everett 



image credit: mnijm.wordpress.com



I think we all do a little bit of both living in a dream world and facing reality, for example, when we spend our last pay on things we'd like to have hoping that extra money will just be there for us out of nowhere. Then the reality hits us with unpaid bills and a huge container of oatmeal - food for the following two weeks until the next paycheck. That's where we need a little bit of creativity to make them both come together in harmony, for instance, turn off the cable TV for two months in order to buy an expensive bathing suit that you won't be able to afford otherwise. Can you live without a TV or without a bathing suit? Probably, you can. But can you live without creativity?

So whatever it is that inspires you, remember that modern Muses don't come to people. There's a lot that has been done before you and there's a lot being worked on the very same moment you're reading this. Therfore, you have to find your own inspiration in something that works specifically for you, whether it be singing in the shower or reading what other people blog about.

                                                                                                                 

Umbrellas

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 Whenever there is rainy day in New York City, diverse in colors and looking like enormous mushrooms umbrellas fill the gloomy streets. There are no two umbrellas that look alike. Even the most common ones (classically, black) differ in size and design. If you are not too busy rushing somewhere, turn around, and you will see a mother with a stroller and a huge umbrella that covers both her and the baby, or a young thin girl in a light raincoat with a bright orange umbrella with flowers on it. There are also a bold red one, a girly pink one, one that is white with St.Patrick's day color sections as a reminder of the last week's holiday and many others.

Like umbrellas, there are no two people who are exactly the same. They may have similar features appearance-wise, but the way they think and values they have always differ. As we often spend hours disputing about something important for us with our best friends, failing to come to a compromise, our differences make us unique and interesting.

Understanding that we are so dissimilar with some people helps to communicate with them more effectively. Here are some tips that will help you... no, not to tolerate, as this word means "putting up with," no matter how kind it sounds, but to embrace other human beings and make significant business or personal connections:

1. Listen. There are other points of view besides yours. You may not even suspect that they exist, so ask people about what they think rather than attacking them agressively with your words. There is always another side of the story, and learning what it is often helps to come to a quicker and more peaceful compromise.

2. Agree. There is a useful phrase that lets others know that you understand and respect their opinion, while having yours that is not the same. This phrase is "yes, but." Short as it is, it helps. For instance, you desperately want to have a cat, but your parents object that the cat will smell bad, and you will not take care of it properly. Don't jump right at them, but intend to see what worries them and reply kindly, "Yes, I know you believe I'm still a child lacking responsibility, but there has to be a time in my life to learn how to be reliable and take care of others. Having a cat will definitely help me to develop those qualities that will be crucial for my adult life." Even if it doesn't get you a cat, in the worst case, it will allow you to avoid conflicts and to let your parents see that you are a rationally thinking grown-up now, a person whose opinion also matters. Perceiving respect and understanding in your words, they will be inclined to pay you back

3. Keep calm. There are folks out there looking for trouble. They are intentionally trying to make you angry, to yell at them, so that they have a reason to scream back at you. Some people even do this unconsciously. If "don't lower yourself to their level" doesn't work for you, think about it this way: they are waiting for you to spit out curse words. Therefore, you should disarm them with your politeness. If they say something unpleasant in response, it will only make them look bad, not you. In most cases, however, they will be lost, as this will not be the reaction they usually expect.

4. Know when it's time to leave. You check the clock to find out when you have to leave home to go to work or school. Similarly, confess to yourself: is this conversation going nowhere? Sometimes the discussion is heating up, and the best thing you can do is to think it over and come back to it the following day when the person you are arguing with and you cool off and be able to come back to it in a calmer conversation.

image credit: esquire.com

The moral is: don't try to sell your umbrella to those who don't like its style or brand, but try to see the beauty of their one and accept its existence under this grey with clouds and weeping with rain drops New York skyline. When many umbrellas are put together, they create a bigger protective shield over our heads compared to the tiny and lonely aura of a single one no matter how proudly we carry it around.








                                                                
                                                                                  

Couponing Is Not Just an Annoying Hobby

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Have you ever seen those people who go around looking for coupons that they can use to buy groceries, household items or beauty products? You must have thought they were crazy. I used to think that, too. How much can you save on those coupons? Some of them even require you to mail the coupon to the company to redeem it. But one day I watched a TV program about a woman who collected enough coupons to buy $600 worth of products in a large supermarket for less than $3. I am still shocked trying to figure out how she managed to do so.

However, I have used coupons myself, and some deals that they offer are really worth hunting for. For example, I always wanted to try Smart Balance Fat Free milk, as I heard that it was delicious and not fattening, but it is so expensive that it's cheaper to buy a gallon of regular 2% milk than a half gallon of the Smart Balance one. But one time I received a coupon that allowed me to buy that milk for about $1.99 (if not cheaper, I don't quite remember), and I tried it. It was great. I'm just still not ready to spend up to $5 on it, so I guess, I'll wait for another coupon.

Enticed by these examples, you may now be willing to go hunt for discounts. The question is: where to go? There are several places that you can get coupons from:

1. Newspapers and magazines.

2. Booklets that you can find in supermarkets and pharmacies. Sometimes they just list the current discounts they offer (which is great to know, too), but there are often coupons or promotions that you can use to lower the price of your purchases.

3. Online resources. With the development of the Internet, it is now so easy to find discounts. If you are a student, by the way, you can find student savings options at www.campusclipper.com. There is a coupon booklet that you can download and use for food, beauty, health and services in New York City area (with your student ID). You can also go to their website and download a single coupon that you are going to use.

4. Supermarket checkout. When a cashier scans your items, you may notice that there is a coupon that the machine by the register prints out for you (usually you need to have a member's card, which is free, so get it from the place where you shop regularly). Ask the cashier to give it to you (sometimes they don't), and use it next time. That's how I got my Smart Balance coupon. I couldn't believe my happiness!

There are, perhaps, other places where you can encounter great discount coupons, but these are the ones I know about and the ones you can start with if you decide to make couponing your new hobby.

What's next?

When you find coupons, make sure they are not expired, see whether or not you satisfy all the requirements and how easy it will be for you to find the store and get a discount. If you have to travel to New Jersey to get $2 off Honey Nut Cheerios, you will spend more money getting there, so it doesn't make sense to bother.

Well, and the following step should probably be sharing your knowledge with others. Living in a huge and expensive city, we should all support each other and help our fellow New Yorkers to save money as well.

                                                                 

After a Rainy Day



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 What started out yesterday as a drizzling rain ended up being a day-long shower. An evening like that should be spent at home under a warm and cozy blanket with a cup of delicious herbal tea that warms your body and soothes your soul. Sitting on the couch in front of your TV, you can hear rain drops hitting the ground and wonder how much water is there in the street. The Weather Channel said it would make an inch. "Ahh," you sigh quietly. Rainy days make you feel helpless, as walking to a grocery store means coming back soaking wet and because you have no roommates, you feel separated from your friends by the unbreachable wall of water. "Ahh," you sigh again.

But this morning when you woke up, the sun light was already playing on your face cheering you up and drying the flooded street. And you stretched in your comfortable bed anticipating what pleasant surprises the day would bring you. "Wow," you mumble, "it's going to be a beautiful Monday." Sure, didn't you know that after a rainy day there is always a sunny one.

Accordingly, after a failure, there is always a win. If you feel that your life is not taking you in the direction you would like to take, do not panic. Give yourself some time to cool off and think about where you are not doing the best you can and how you can improve. It is important that you remain positive and think logically. Don't ignore advices your friends and relatives give you and listen to the warm words of support they say. If there is no one there for you when the times are hard, get someone to be near you. Explain that you are not feeling positive about yourself or your future, and they will encourage you and perhaps, point out some of the weaknesses in your strategy you haven't noticed. Problems are temporary; life is moving forward, so don't get stuck in the rain if you can get a lift or a place you can wait for the sunny day in the meantime.

If the rain lasts longer than a day, people often feel paralyzed by the weather, and they are reluctant to come out of their dens. Similar to this, unfortunate events tend to discourage us preventing us from moving forward. "I'm good for nothing," many of us exclaimed without truly meaning it. Do you know there are a lot of children and teenagers out there who never learned how to ride a bike or how to ice-skate? Does it make them worse than others? Absolutely not. First of all, it's never late to get the skill (I went ice-skating for the first time when I was 17, and I was horrible, scared to death that I'd fall and break something). Secondly, every individual chooses what he or she likes to do and goes for it. Not all of us have the same talents and abilities. You are unique, as are other people, so don't worry that there is something you can't do as well as Amy, Martin, Paul or others.

And finally, if something goes dreadfully wrong, think of a way to change it radically. I remember reading "The Alchemist" by Paolo Coelho, and the book taught that if the way you've taken is "yours" (meaning, truly the best choice for you), you will meet no obstacles. If you come across too many of them, may be you took a wrong road. Consider this and remember that you are the master of your life, so it's up to you to make an alteration.

And don't forget: this is New York, a beautiful city that doesn't have a rainy season that lasts three months.

Talk to Me

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It is amazing how often people say, "Talk to me." It is even more curios that in many cases what they mean is "I will talk, and you will listen." Why do we forget that communication goes both ways: "you talk, and I listen, and then we switch?" Knowing a little bit about transactional analysis can help reduce misunderstanding and establish and effective connection. Here is how I see it. According to the psychology of transactional analysis, there are three major roles: Parent (mimicking our parents' behavior), Child (acting like we did during childhood) and Adult (thinking and acting sanely, perceiving information as it is). To have a successful conversation, two adults are needed in order to share the ideas and give each other rational advices. However, it often happens that we behave inappropriately, and the conversation we have with someone leads us nowhere. Let's see how the roles we take on influence the way we speak.

1. Parent. This role supposes that I (the person taking on the role) am knowledgeable and need to teach others. Behaving this way people usually lecture others and point out their mistakes with an air of authority. There are accordingly three responses to this kind of behavior:
Parent: "Why are you telling me what to do, I know better than that."
Child: "You always think I'm stupid, and it hurts me."
Adult: "Let's see what lesson I can get from this speech."
An effective communication occurs in the last case only, as the goal of a conversation is to learn something new and what's even better, find a solution to a particular problem that bothered us. It is crucial to understand that when a person lectures us, it is not because he/she considers us to be stupid or him/her to be smarter; he/she does this in order to help us, and this is the individual's way to do it. If such a manner bothers you, break the ice and tell the person with a smile, "You are talking just like my mom." The person should get the clue and switch to the adult's role with no offense.

2. Child. This role is characterized by ingenuousness and spontaneous expression of emotions. People in this role may be playful and avoid getting straight to the point. But they are certainly easier to deal with than Parents. Often, though, they would expect you to stay within their game, and if you are not feeling like it, tell them trying not to offend them. A Child may offer to go watch TV instead of cleaning the house, for example, which may provoke the following reactions:
Parent: "No, you have to clean the house first, you never do it." (Child will get upset, so be careful with this.)
Child: "Sure! I'd love to." (Perfect communication, but the house stays dirty.)
Adult: "That's cool, but why don't we clean first, and then we'll have the rest of the day to watch the programs we like not thinking about the chores." (Probably, the best way to go, if the "Child" won't start crying, and Adult turns submissively into a Parent or a Child.)

3. Adult. This is the level all communication should ideally strive for. A person opens his/her mouth to give out neutral information that can be of use to the interlocutor. Now the thing is how they are going to use it. They may also feel that they are being lectured or diminished, but they are less likely to react aggressively.

Understanding that people switch roles quickly throughout a conversation helps to communicate in an effective way. If you know that you are talking to a Parent, show him/her respect and assure that their opinion matters. If you are conversing with a Child, play with him/her trying to turn serious matters into an exciting game ("While cleaning the house, we're gonna play Treasure Hunt."). Finally, if your interlocutor is an adult, you can relax; just don't let out your own inner Parent or Child, or this will be a trouble for your communication partner now.

For more info on Transactional Analysis, check out Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis

                                                                             

On Stepping on People's Feet

image credit: istockphoto.com

It is the first time Mary is wearing her new spring shoes. She is so excited to walk the streets of New York City in those shiny patent-leather shoes that she has already wiped them twice with a dry cloth to make sure that no dust will diminish their beauty. Finally, she leaves her house and walks to the subway. Right away she notices that people approve of her choice. Men look down at her shoes and smile widely when complimenting her. Women look envious. They would love to have shoes like these, too. Mary tries hard to seem indifferent about getting all this attention.She is now inside the station, and she swipes her bright-yellow metrocard and rushes down the stairs to catch the oncoming train. The moment Mary happily gets in, a clumsy man, who also wants to enter the car before the doors close, pushes her to the left and steps on her right foot. "AWWW!" screams Mary, not so much with pain, but because she is outraged: he stepped on her new precious shoe. The man doesn't bother to apologize and takes a seat. Mary's day is hopeleslly spoiled.

Note that the man didn't notice that Mary's shoes were new, and he has no idea how much he hurt her. It often happens that we offend people not realizing it, thinking that it is a fine thing to do, "not a big deal." We don't always know what meaning other people put into what is a mere nothing for us. But in many times, it  is a big deal, and we should learn how to avoid offending others unintentionally. If you find it difficult, here three easy tips on how to recognize that you did something wrong and correct it:

1. A person yells at you, says something rude or looks at you dryly. It may be as well that the man or woman is grumpy and wants to spread his/her bad mood to others. In both cases, you should ask, "What's the matter?" with the most charming smile you can get out of yourself. If you did something wrong, they will immediately tell you what it was, and if they are in a bad mood, let them feel bad for letting it out on you, such a nice and polite individual.

2. You are directly told that you offended someone. If a person tells you straight to your face that you behaved like an asshole, you should admit that you were wrong (if you agree you were), or explain that your actions didn't mean any harm and you didn't realize that he/she would take offense. In either situation, apologize and try to end the conversation on a friendly note.

3. A person doesn't speak to you at all. Start a conversation yourself. Then you will get one of the reactions mentioned above, and then you will know what to do next.

And remember that if you don't talk, you will never find out what you are not doing right. Communication resolves complications, so you should always speak out your concerns if you have any. On the contrary, if someone offended you, consider that their actions may have been inadvertent as well, and forgive them, as to err is human, and humans we all are.

                              

Bad Habits to Have While Riding Public Transportation

(picture's from: http://stuffunemployedpeoplelike.com/)

Going from one part of the city to another one is often a long ride that not everyone can tolerate, and we ought to be sympathetic to those for whom a 2-hour trip by train or bus is a daily routine. However, not only we don't sympathize with them, we make their being there more miserable by demonstrating poor manners. Here are some bad habits that people should leave at home before getting on a train or another means of public transportation.

Coughing or sneezing and not covering their mouths. Imagine how frightened a person next to you is: his/her stop is not coming up soon, and you might have a flu that they don't want to catch. It is highly recommended that you cough or sneeze into your elbow, as your hand may keep the bacteria if you don't use sanitizer and don't wash your hands all the time and then spread the illness through a handshake. A good idea is also to use a handkerchief, whether it is a piece of Cleenex or a cloth.

Blowing one's nose and throwing mucus on the floor. It's gross. Would you like to step on something like that? No one would. Carry a napkin, blow your nose into it and hold on to the paper until you find a trash can. If you happen not to have one, keep your nose congested until you get off and find something to relieve it into.

Littering. You know that you are not supposed to eat on the train. Food smells and disturbs other hugry people around you. Yes, there are moments when you do have to swallow your food on the way, but it doesn't mean that you have to leave your rubbish for other people to kick. It happens often that a Snapple bottle is rolling from one side of a car to another one, and commuters push it with their feet. Even though there are no garbage cans in the subway cars, you will always find one at any station; therefore, don't be lazy and dispose of your litter.

Putting a wet umbrella on the seat next to you. Even if the car is almost empty, there will always be someone who may want to take that seat, and it is doubtful that they would want to wipe it with their pants. A good place for an umbrella is below the seat, as if a day is rainy, the floor will be wet anyway, and you will just add up to it.

Taking more than one seat. It's fine if you have a large body, and you do need two seats. But it often happens that a person spreads his/her legs or puts a huge bag on a seat, which prevents other people from occupying that seat. They may be tired, and they would be glad to sit down if your stuff wasn't displayed there.

Producing loud noises. This includes discussing something on the phone two tones higher than normally, snoring, listening to your I-pod exploiting maximum volume and everything else that doesn't let people sleep, read their books or Kindles, or merely think about something pleasant. It is hilarious to see New Yorkers sitting far away from each other and yelling back and forth. If there are no two seats together, stand up close or keep silent until you get off. There is nothing urgent that you have to discuss for all the people in the train to hear, is it?

Verbally abusing or sexually harrassing people. This is inappropriate, and you know it well. Leave people alone: they rush somewhere the same way you are, so let them have a happy ride, and enjoy one yourself.

Here are some useful devices for blocking the noise and being busy with something, so that you won't have to bother other people:

                                                  

Valentine's Day on a Student Budget

It is February, 14, 2011. Valentine's Day is here, and the sunny and beautiful one. The weather is so sping-like that the smile gets on your face without an effort. You see people rushing to their loved ones with bouquets of flowers and gift bags full of love. In this holiday rush you may be thinking, "Where should I go to make this day special?" If in addition to this, you are a student and looking to spend as little as possible, while still having a great time, I could give you a piece of advice about where to go the last minute if you haven't decided upon anything yet.

With the weather tremendous as it is, I would recommend that you spend this afternoon outside in the sun. A walk along the Brooklyn Bridge may be a romantic one, if you like being on your feet holding hands with your loved one. If you think that there will be too many people there, and you would like a more intimate setting, you may head to Central Park in the city or to Prospect Park in Brooklyn. You can bring a throw and make a picnic out of things you both enjoy savoring. There are picturous lakes in both parks, and if you enjoy being by the water as much as I do (I use every opportunity to sit by a river bank or on a beach), this would be a great scenery for you. This is also a great day for ice-skating, if you know how to do it. I would recommend the skating rink at a Bryant Park. If it is not overcrowded today, which you will find out once you see the line of people waiting to get in, you will get a large space to skate on and the skates for about $13, and I think, this is "skate as much as you want." They may offer you to pay $20 and skip the line, which you shouldn't do because what that means is that the rink will be overcrowded, and you won't really enjoy it.

Some couples love to go window-shopping, looking through stores hoping to find something. This is a great idea for those who haven't yet bought a gift for the special one. You can go shopping with your boyfriend/girlfriend and buy him/her something that you see he/she likes right on the spot. This is actually a great surprise, even though it doesn't seem to be. My boyfriend met me at Union Square last week and said, "Let's go take a look at Kindles." I wasn't eager to do it, as I wanted to have one, and every time looking at it was pretty painful. However, we went to a couple of stores, and he finally bought me a Kindle, which I didn't expect to happen that particular day. It was an awesome surprise, and you can do the same thing with your loved one.

Another romantic way to celebrate St. Valentine's Day may be going on a cruise around New York. There are varios boats leaving from 45 street and 12 avenue. You can get a short trip that lasts 2 hours or a longer one that will keep you on a boat for 4 hours. Whichever you choose, you will enjoy riding a cruise boat in the sun with you beloved. These trips are not cheap, though, but you can always go there and ask if they have any students savings program; maybe, they will give you 10-15% off, which never hurts if you are on a student budget. Anywhere you go, try to get the best deal with your student ID: if you use it only on campus, you are not getting everything you could from it.

If you prefer eating at a fine restaurant to wandering outside, or if you need great ideas for a later dinner, you may try romantic "Tanti Baci Caffe." It is an Italian place located at 31 West 8^th Street between 6^th Avenue and MacDougal Street. It has a nice quiet place with a homey feeling to it where you would love to sit with someone you love. The manager and the waiters are always at your service, and the food price range is approximately $15-20 for an entree. Another good place to go is an Argentinian restaurant "Buenos Aires" at 513 East 6th Street. It is not decorated specially for romantic dinners, but as it gets later, they put out candles. But what you really go there for is their wine collection and their famous steaks imported from Argentina, the country well-known as the best for meat exports. Good as it is, it is not crazily expensive, as the portions are big and could be easily shared.

I also enjoy having coffee and dessert at "The View," a restaurant at the Marriott Hotel in the Times Square area. This restaurant is moving around, and you have a chance to see the city from different sides. Their dinner prices are too high for a student budget, so try to get there in the afternoon, better before 5pm. There is no minimum at this time, and you can sip your coffee and enjoy the beautiful panoramic view.

And finally, if you are planning to stay home, make this experience special as well. You may cook or order your dinner from a local restaurant (no pizza, please, it is too casual), decorate your appartment and think of something special your loved one would enjoy. Spread the wings of your creativity here, and remember that you can get student discounts at many restaurants even if you order take out or delivery, for chocolate and other sweet treats you would like to be spoiled with on this special day.

Wherever you go and whatever you do, remember that this holiday is not about going somewhere; it is an opportunity to spend some time with the one you love, so make sure you do something that you both will remember for years!

 Images are taken from XKCD and Gawker websites.  

http://xkcd.com/223/

http://gawker.com/#!5468955/thats-the-way-love-goes-a-valentines-day-for-everyone

For discount coupons for students, go to http://www.campusclipper.com/

Social Networking vs Virtual Friendship



 image credit: mediabistro.com


With the development of such social networks as Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and many international variations of them, it became so easy to connect to your friends and acquaintances no matter at what part of the world they are. Instead of ordering prints of photos from a current party and then showing them to all of your friends who were there with you, you now can upload the pictures on your Facebook page and send a link to it to anyone you want via an e-mail or a text message. "Great," you must be thinking. "It saves me time, money and effort." True. However, it also deprives you of personal interaction with people who are important to you. Instead of inviting a friend to an event over the phone, you usually send him or her an impersonal invitation through a social network. The big concern is: do you see a clear line between social networking and virtual friendship?

To distinguish the two, you may compare social networking to going outside your house and yell your message out hoping that as many of your neighbors as possible will hear it. Chances are that they are not home or they are not interested, then you will never get a reply. However, if they care about your proposal, they will come right out of their houses to give you a response. It works the same way on Facebook: if you have no time to call everyone, you usually send the same text to all your contacts and wait for them to reply. As opposed to this, virtual friendship is avoiding face-to-face or phone conversations intentionally, or even transferring all your social experience to the Internet. If this is the situation you are in now, here are some tips on how to make the most of social networking resources and communicate with people on a regular basis at the same time:

1. Call rather than send an impersonal message whenever possible. If it is the question of whether or not you reach out to someone (no time or no other contact information, for example), it's better to use social media than nothing at all. However, if you have a chance to connect to a friend or business partner on a personal level, do that. You will be given more attention and hopefully, a concrete reply. For instance, if you plan to invite a girl to your birthday party, you should call her and ask whether or not she will be able to come. If she answers, "I'm sorry I will be in Florida with my parents," there is absolutely no need to pursue her with the same idea.

2.  Meet your friends often. There is nothing more rewarding than a nice friendly chat or advice. Even if you agree on going out for coffee once a week, and no other time works well for you, that's fine. Social media alone is not enough to communicate with people you care about, and it does not matter that you comment on their status every day.

3. Remember that eye contact is irreplaceable. When you make an eye contact with someone, you can see if they are telling you the truth and whether or not they will go along with your proposal. Professional advertisers and telemarketers frequently claim that a pleasant voice can close a sale. Since your charming personality is more persuasive than perfectly written message, you should take advantage of it as often as you can.

4. Don't forget that there are folks who do not visit their Facebook page for months. They are not online every day, like you are. Considering that, make sure that they get your messages. If you have their contact information, call them up to make sure that your proposal got to them. Check profile pages for phone numbers if you have no idea how to connect to them.

5. Avoid putting naughty pictures and making juicy confessions. Employers do check Facebook pages of those who they plan to hire, and you shouldn't lose the opportunity of a lifetime because of a silly comment or an inappropriate photo.



                                              

Indifference Is Your Most Dangerous Enemy



image credit: wildomarmagazine.wordpress.com


Living in a huge city like New York often makes people feel isolated. They separate themselves from others by blocking their hearing with an I-pod and their vision of the world with their sunglasses. What's even worse, we often block our heart from those who ask for our help. It is so easy to pass by a homeless person making a statement, "They should be working instead," or to wait for others to call the dispatcher if someone is having a heart attack in a subway car.

I remember a saying from a book I read while being at high school, which stated, "Don't be afraid of your friends: the worst they can do is to betray you. Don't be afraid of your enemies: the worst they can do is to kill you. Do be afraid of those indifferent: they neither kill nor betray, but with their silent agreement murder and treason exist in the world." If we are being indifferent, if we separate ourselves from the world around us, we may not be directly hurting our fellowmen, but we definitely deprive them of something they need: attention, help or even acknowledgment of their existence.

Imagine that you are in an unfamiliar city. You have just gotten off a bus and you have no idea where to go. You know the address of a friend who is waiting for you, but you don't have a cell phone and you have no clue how to get to your destination. You tried to stop people passing by and ask them for directions, but they ignored you, as though you weren't there at all. You finally decided to call your friend from a pay phone, but you needed quarters, and no one was willing to give you change for a dollar. You wanted to buy a map, but where were they sold? You feel frustrated and no one cares.

Scary to imagine, isn't it?

Scary, but useful, I must say. Imagining that you will understand how others feel while asking you for help. Explain to your college mate the material he or she cannot comprehend and you can, assist an elderly woman trying to get on a bus, give up your seat for a pregnant lady, or merely smile at a stranger, - those are the little things that don't cost you money, but make the world a tiny bit better place.

Whatever you do, don't be indifferent, as indifference is your worst enemy.